America and The Racial Divide

Just because someone has the opportunity to do something, doesn't mean it's feasible with their specific circumstances. It's easy to point fingers and make assumptions, but you really don't know, because you don't live that person's life, and you are not that person.

Consider the fact that we still have generations alive today that experienced black/white segregation. We are not that far removed from the days when black people legally were not allowed to have the same opportunities as anyone else in this country. They were relegated to lower-level, lower paying jobs, housing in poorer communities, denied the same level of education, and so much more. They were told, for generations, that they were worth-less, or worth nothing at all. 

When segregation was made illegal, it still took years for it to take effect. I mean, think about when a law is passed even now - one that isn't charged with emotion and generations of prejudice - and how long it takes for it to actually have any real impact. Desegregation didn't happen over night.

I'll cut straight to the chase: Yes. There is still racism in America. If you deny it exists it's because you are living under a rock, with a blindfold over your eyes, and your fingers plugged into your ears. You are also, probably, guilty of racial bias yourself. 

If you think deeply rooted prejudices that developed over hundreds of years can just disappear in the span of 50 years or so, you really need to go back and read a history book. 

I'm not talking about noticing differences in appearances or subcultures. I'm talking about seeing a young black man in a hoodie and assuming he's up to no good without any evidence when you wouldn't make that judgement of a young white man in the exact same situation. Someone with a racial bias may not even realize that they are making such assumptions for those reasons. That's because it is so ingrained it has become inherent. That's how you know it's still a big problem. 

I've heard people say things like, "But they put themselves in that position!" No. Racial biases and being just a hop skip and a jump away from segregation, by and large, put them in that position. 

Now, imagine a police officer, who encounters dangerous situations on a daily basis. Imagine he's a good guy. A good cop, has a family, does his best to protect and serve. But he has a racial bias, and he doesn't even know it. Maybe he works in an area that is impoverished and more prone to crime, and because of the socio-economic constructs, gaps in opportunity between races, and the residual effects of segregated housing, etc., this area happens to have a higher concentration of black individuals, so he's more accustomed to having violent encounters with a black person, vs. a white person. He gets an emergency call, or pulls someone over. He's more anxious because he believes this individual has a higher likelihood  of being dangerous. Someone drops the word "gun" and he's suddenly in fear for his life. 

I'm not saying this is how it plays out in every situation, but I do think that it is a major contributing factor. Does that make it right? No. 

Additionally, saying #blacklivesmatter, is trying to draw attention to this issue. Yes, all lives do matter, but that is not the point. It's not saying, "Black Lives Matter More". It's saying, "Stop ignoring this."

How do we solve it? Stop pointing fingers. Stop dividing. Come together. Talk. Learn. Support. Understand. Love.

Am I claiming to have a solution? No. Will it be fixed over night? No. But recognizing, acknowledging, and understanding the problem from both sides is a good start.

Liver Mommas & Families, NPO!

Many years ago, I started a group on Facebook for friends I had met in the pediatric Liver Transplant community to offer support to one another. We started a holiday tradition, bringing gifts and dinner to children and their families "stuck" in the hospital over the Christmas holiday.

Today, our support group has hundreds of members - parents and caregivers of children with life-threatening pediatric liver disease - from all over the world. We've carried on our holiday tradition and turned it into an annual drive: The Jingle Bell Drive. We have begun networking with other charities to help get children who need transplants, and live in countries where transplant facilities aren't available, to countries and hospitals that can help. We work with hospital social workers and child-life specialists to help define and fulfill needs of the pediatric wing of those hospitals.

As of October 2015, Liver Mommas & Families was approved as an official Non-Profit Organization, and all donations are tex deductible!

We plan to expand our outreach and continue our work, world-wide.

If you would like to donate, you can do so, here: www.livermommas.org

PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, and Panic Disorder

Last night, I laid in bed, curled into a ball, clutching my stomach. The pain radiated around my torso and into my shoulders. I felt nauseous. My body broke into a cold sweat. I struggled to breathe and my chest felt heavy. Tears streamed down my face.

“Not again,” I thought.

The panic set in. How long would it last, this time? How bad would it get? 

I talked to my husband on the phone. “What do you think triggered it?” he asked.

“Labs. I have to take her to get labs Friday.”

After 6 years of taking my daughter, a transplant patient, to every appointment, every test, staying with her every time she was in the hospital, holding her down while she screamed, I just couldn’t do it anymore. I tried. I ignored my anxiety and the desire to hide in bed and dutifully did what I felt I had to do. Until my body wouldn’t let me do it any more.

It started when I had to hold her down during a minor surgical procedure when she woke up from anesthesia. I thought I had an ulcer, or gall stones. I went to the ER thinking I was having a heart attack. It took over a year for a medical professional to tell me, “I think you have PTSD.”

I went to therapy. It got worse before it got better. I understood what was going on, now. But I continued to force myself to suck it up and take her to her appointments. To hold her down. She struggles with PTSD, anxiety and panic attacks, as well. I would hold it together for her, only to cry all the way home and be struck with extreme fatigue for several days or weeks following.

My brain could no longer react correctly to stress. A basket of laundry overwhelmed me. My children fighting with each other made me want to run and hide. Some days I could barely get out of bed. My body ached all over. Lifting my arms was an accomplishment. I developed stress induced Fibromyalgia.

One day, I was preparing to take her for labs the following morning, and it hit. Suddenly, I felt sick. My stomach was in knots. It started burning. I ran to the bathroom and threw up. I began sobbing uncontrollably. I literally could not stop. I turned a movie on for the kids and locked myself into the bathroom. I climbed into the bath tub and cried. I felt like I was going insane. The pain in my belly wrapped around me and threatened to break me in half. I could’t breathe. I felt like a trapped animal. I lost all control. My ability to rationalize faded. All I wanted was for this feeling to stop. It was unbearable. Thoughts of suicide began circulating through my head. I would push them out only to have them return. Escape. It was the most terrifying experience of my life.

I was able to reach my husband and he came home and took me to the doctor. I was afraid I would be committed to a mental institution. I was relieved to discover that I wasn’t going crazy. I was having a panic attack. 

In the months that followed I had others, despite the medication I had begun taking - which came with it’s own side effects. I started having panic attacks because I was afraid of having panic attacks. I was afraid to leave my house. I was terrified of having an attack while out, in public, with my three children, and unable to drive home. I hid in my house. Winter isolated me further. I sank into depression. Only a few close friends and family knew what was going on. I was embarrassed. I felt like a failure.

It has taken over a year for me to fight my way out of it, and it always lurks at the corners of my mind. Threatening to take over and pull me back under. I still have panic attacks. I struggle internally every time I leave the safety of “home”. I'm often irritable and impatient.

This is not me. I am a bright, happy, positive person who loves to travel, be outdoors, and be adventurous. I love to laugh, and help people. I enjoy my children and I tackle life head-on. 

This is PTSD. This is anxiety. This is panic disorder. This is depression. This is not something I can control. 

I’m writing this because, since I began this struggle, so many others have told me about their own battles with these disorders. I want you all to know that you are not alone. You are not a failure. I want you to know that, while you may always struggle and have dark moments, you don’t have to let it define you. You are still in there. You are strong. You are courageous. 

…“Labs. I have to take her to get labs Friday.”

“Why don’t we wait another week. I will be there and I can take her. You don’t have to,” My husband said.

And just like that, the panic began to retreat. The tourniquet threatening to break me in half began to loosen. The pain and nausea subsided. My heart rate slowed and my breathing became less erratic and shallow. Gradually, my body calmed with my mind. Just like that, it was over. 

Perfectly Normal Pictures of Perfectly Beautiful Babies, Eating However Is Best For Them!

These are all photos of babies eating in the way that is "normal" and best for them. 

Some babies are breast fed, some are bottle fed, Some babies must be fed through an NG (nasal-gastric) tube, a G (gastric) tube, or a broviac line. 

Some mommas breast feed, some do not. Some cover, some do not. Some mommas pump and bottle feed. Some give their babies formula.  

All of these babeis are beautiful and loved, and their mommas are doing what they feel is best for their baby. 

This is what babies look like when they eat... and it's all normal. Don't let anyone shame you into not doing what you feel is best for you and your baby. Because love doesn't come in a boob or a bottle. It comes from the heart.

If you would like to send a picture of your little one eating in the way that is normal for them, please feel free to email me!

Show Me Your Boobies (Or Bottles... Or Tubes)!

I'm working on a photography project to normalize feeding babies, be it by bottle, boob, or tube! If you are interested in being photographed or submitting a photo, please contact me! Wyldflowerart@gmail.com. Please share this post!

What's the Big Deal, You Ask? (A Response to Janie Porter's "Dear breastfeeding moms, is it really that hard to cover up?")

Dear Janie,

I read your blog, titled, "Dear breastfeeding moms, is it really that hard to cover up?" At the risk of sending my wayward readers to your blog post, I have included the link so they can personally read it.

Wow. You really opened a can of worms with that one, didn't you? I bet you're receiving all kinds of responses and being featured on all kinds of popular websites. Bravo.

You know what this post does? It makes mothers who are uncomfortable breastfeeding feel even MORE uncomfortable - with or without a cover. It makes them feel ASHAMED if they are struggling with covering while they nurse, because it doesn't come easily to everyone. Which just contributes to all the other pressures of trying to breastfeed and undermines the successful breastfeeding relationship. Not everyone is like you and in your situation. Mothers should all do what they feel is best for them and their own family. Whether that is breastfeeding (with or without a cover) or formula feeding, or pumping and giving it to the baby in a bottle, or tube feeding, or spoon feeding... And they should be able to do it without the fear of being judged and scrutinized.

Even more interesting, on your "About You" page, Janie, you've written, "You are worth investing in. You are worth believing in. You are worth being loved. You are valuable. It’s not about being perfect. It’s about being confident. And doing the best we can with what we have today. It’s my goal to inspire, encourage and empower you to be the best version of yourself, whether that means getting in shape, learning to eat better, extending more grace to others, increasing your confidence… anything that betters your life and makes you glow!" Wouldn't you say your post is just a tad contradictory to this?

Just a thought, but you may want to add, "Unless you breastfeed without a cover - for any reason. This doesn't apply to you." Because shaming women and fueling mommy wars is not really in​ the spirit of building their confidence.

You want to know what the big deal is?

My first child was terminally ill and received a liver-transplant at 4 months old. She had all kinds of tubes and wires coming out of her until she was 6 months old. YOU try feeding a wiggly, crying baby with all kinds of equipment while worrying about covering up!

My second child had severe colic - we're talking screaming for 6+ hours a day... and he hated being covered. REFUSED to nurse with a cover on. He would rip it off repeatedly and scream, thus exposing even more of my breast AND drawing attention to it.

For both children, it was much less of a spectacle NOT to cover than it was when I tried to cover. Should I have just stayed at home? Because I struggled to nurse my children with a cover - legitimately struggled - should I have been denied the RIGTH to go out in public? Or gone to the bathroom and sat on a toilet (without a lid, as is the case in most public restrooms) because juggling a baby and a diaper bag and a purse and a stroller and, in my first-born's case, a backpack with special formula to help her absorb my milk and an IV bag, WHILE nursing is - well, let's face it - impossible?

By the time my third baby came along, I just did what came naturally.

Janie, I'm sorry if your husband is looking at my "naked" breast while I feed my child. (He DOES have the choice not to look, you know! I have not used my supernatural powers to FORCE him to look at my breast while I feed my child.) I'm sorry that you don't feel comfortable showing your children that the human body is natural, and that nursing a baby is normal, and that YOU insist on sexualizing the female body by making something as natural as the act of nursing a shameful spectacle. I'm sorry that YOU seem to have such an odd fascination with breasts that it makes you uncomfortable when you see someone's nipple! You can't even type the word "nipple" in your post! You just say "naked", in parenthesis! But, you know what? I'm NOT sorry for not covering up.

Share this blog and let me know your thoughts in the comments, below.

Also, I would like to do a follow-up post titled, "This is a normal way to feed a baby". If you have photos of yourself feeding your babies - breastfeeding (covered or uncovered), with a bottle, with a spoon, with a feeding tube, or otherwise - and you are comfortable having them posted on my blog, please send them to me via the link, "Email Jasmine" on the right-hand side of the page.

The Monster Inside Me

This past year has been a healthy one. Kai only spent one night in the ER when she had a tummy virus and got a bit dehydrated (knock on wood).

We have new insurance that we selected when we started our own company and they are wonderful. They actually cover what they say they will, without loopholes, without struggles, and when I call in, I get an actual person within one ring who personally works to resolve my issue. Crazy, right?? (If you want to check them out, they are at www.evergreenmd.org)

Things have been fairly quiet. Dare I say "normal"?

Why is it, then, that I am struggling?

This past year, I started having panic attacks. Some so intense they required a trip to the ER on several occasions. I recognize, now, that I've had them before. I just didn't know what they were.

If you've never really had a panic attack, it's easy to write it off. It's easy to misunderstand how debilitating these things can be. It's more than feeling a little anxious. It's not as simple as just calming down.

Panic attacks sneak up when I'm not expecting it. I may not be thinking about anything in particular at that moment. I might be doing laundry, or checking Facebook, or playing with my kids. I'm not dwelling on anything stressful, in most cases. It usually doesn't happen when I'm feeling particularly overwhelmed or worried.

It starts out as a dull ache in my belly. At first I think I might be hungry. Then it becomes an intense, burning pain, banding around my torso. It literally feels like my stomach is melting. I get nauseous, I begin to sweat, my breath becomes shallow, I get dizzy, I might throw up. I become scared. Terrified. I feel like a monster is trying to claw out of my skin, screaming inside me, but it can't get out. It's trapped.

The Monster is me.

These attacks usually occur around something to do with my daughter's health. I understand that they are caused by PTSD - the reaction I *SHOULD* have had during more stressful times is buried in my hypothalamus, the more primitive part of my brain responsible for the fight or flight response, and it is triggered by experiences that pull up those memories and, suddenly, in a quiet moment, that emotion comes rushing out, like a bottle under pressure that has been uncorked. But, I don't know how to release it. My reaction is to tense up. It scares the hell out of me. I'm trying to push the cork back in.

So, telling me to "calm down" or "just don't think about it", doesn't help. I'm not thinking about it. I'm just scared that my body is reacting in a way that is completely beyond my control. The Monster is driving.

More than once, the terror and pain became so intense I remember thinking, "This is worse than child birth, and I don't know when it's going to end, or when it might come back." I've had three babies. Two were completely natural births without any drugs. As terrifying as the most intense throws of labor can be, panic attacks can truly be worse.

It can be depressing. It adds stress to an already full plate. It overwhelms me. It completely derails me. I am afraid to go out because I'm worried I'll have an attack and be stuck, unable to get home, with three kids, and no one that understands to help.

I want so desperately for someone to understand. I'm not crazy. I just have a Monster inside me.

Hi everyone! 

I'm determined, this year, to make Liver Mommas a certified charitable organization/NPO. This would make all donations to our charity tax deductible and enable us to solicit donations from larger organizations, as well as combine efforts with other charitable organizations, through networks such as Greater Good, (whom I've already spoken to!)

The problem is, depending on what kind of NPO you want to be, it can be a pricey endeavor. I had hoped to accomplish this the last few years but, medical costs and battles with insurance prevented me from doing so all by myself and I found myself not wanting to put back any of our Holiday Drive donations for it - it's silly that you have to compromise your efforts to help others to establish or maintain an NPO status. Nonetheless, it will help us provide a greater outreach to those in need.

That said, I'm asking for help in this endeavor. I'm raising money to go toward helping to make Liver Mommas a certified NPO. Whatever is raised by October, I will make up the difference. If there is anything left over, I will put it toward the annual Holiday/Jingle Bell drive.

This is what I plan to do with Liver Mommas:
Liver Mommas and Families is a group of parents and caregivers of children who have terminal and life-threatening liver disease. Many of our children have had liver transplants. We understand what its like to spend long months, holidays and even birthdays in the hospital. We are also no strangers to the costs associated with such long-term medical care. This is why we started the Liver Mommas Jingle Bell Holiday Fundraiser.

In 2011, we started an annual event to bring a holiday dinner and gifts to children and their families admitted to Medstar Georgetown University Hospital in Washington, DC. over the holiday season. We raised over $2,000 and were able to bring two Turkeys and enough sides and desserts to feed the children and families stuck in the hospital over the Holiday, as well as the medical staff who volunteered to work on Christmas Eve. Additionally, we donated bags of toys and gifts, and gift cards for gas and groceries to help families struggling under the weight of medical costs.

We've continued that effort since then, bringing dinner, gifts, and support to Georgetown University Hospital Medical Center, and helping to purchase things from the Child-Life wish list.

We have found that there is also a need in the pediatric liver transplant community for international medical transportation in areas where the medical system is not as accessible. In 2015, we helped network out to additional charities to find transportation, care and relocation services for a family in Peru whose infant needed a transplant. We've received many requests from around the world for help getting from one country, to another, to care for their critically or terminally ill child who is unable to be treated in their current location. We hope to network and grow this area of our organization to be able to better provide these services, as it seems there is a large gap, globally, in this area of medical care.

Additionally, we would like to be able to develop local chapters in other cities with pediatric liver transplant hospitals, and extend our ability to help families year-round, to navigate the complexities of pediatric liver disease and transplant, find assistance with medical expenses and help provide support financially, in some cases, pending evaluation.

Please help us raise the funds necessary to accomplish this goal!
Feel free to share! Thank you!

Donate here: http://www.youcaring.com/…/liver-mommas-help-us-regi…/248389

To Vax or Not to Vax: A Mother's Plea for Change

I am provax. 

For those unfamiliar with our story, my daughter was born with a congenital defect that caused her liver to be fully cirrhosed, in utero. Research suggests it was due to a virus I was exposed to while I was pregnant. 

She received a liver transplant at barely 4 months old and was never able to receive live or attenuated virus vaccinations, including MMR, among many others. She is immune suppressed to keep her from rejecting her transplanted liver. If she is exposed to measles, of which there are now over 100 cases across the U.S. and rising, she will require IV infusions of donated blood plasma (known as IVIg) from someone with measles antibodies through a PICC line, multiple times per week for several months. If the treatment doesn't work and she contracts measles, she has a 30% chance of mortality, to say nothing of complications and long term side effects. 

She is already disabled. What about the parents who are already in this boat, whose children are already disabled or injured or sick and rely on herd immunity because they don't have a choice? We are caught in the middle of this debate and we have no choice. Like everyone else out there, we are desperately trying to do what is best for our children.

Instead of arguing about it and giving the media something to sensationalize, why can't we put our mutual effort into lobbying for research by unbiased parties, safer vaccines or another alternative? Why does it have to be "us against them"? 

We've all "done our research" but have come to different conclusions. Instead of pointing fingers and calling names, if we are all trying to protect our children, why don't we work together to find a solution that protects them all? Not just yours. Not just mine. 

Are they not ALL worthy?

My daughter is 7 years old, now. She has two younger siblings. We are bound, by contract with the hospital, to care for her under certain conditions per the agreement for her to receive her transplant. Her siblings, as well as myself and my husband, all must receive vaccinations, on schedule, including live viruses and boosters. 

I have researched transmission via vaccine shedding at great length. See: "A Response to Address Vaccine Shedding". While there are some risks with some live vaccines, the risk of coming into contact with the wild, vs. attenuated viruses, are far greater for her. 

Her siblings are 5 and 2 years old, respectively, and we have never had an issue with viral shedding. She has, however, caught CMV (the parent virus of the chicken pox virus) from an unvaccinated child, which required 4 months in and out of the hospital, 2 PICC lines and 2 rounds of low-grade chemotherapy, a complication of pneumonia, a subsequent possibility of rejection, and a 1 in 3 risk of leukemia that we now get tested for, regularly, on top of her monthly lab tests and scans. 

I think we have all had, or know someone who has had, a great deal of difficulty and our share of tragic experiences, for different reasons. As much as I wish everyone would vaccinate, I realize that the risks are scary for parents who have experienced or witnessed them first hand. 

Please don't tell me to "do my research" or that I'm "brainwashed". I'm not. I had planned to be a "natural momma" and practice attachment parenting. Which I did, as much as I could, and still do.  I have been entrenched in educating myself on the subject of vaccines since before my daughter was born. I have a sick kid and that comes with certain knowledge and considerations I might not have had, otherwise. 

I truly feel that, if we focus our effort and attention away from battling one another and, instead, on finding a safer solution that lowers the risk for everyone, we could really make strides for true change. Maybe even save lives. 

As long as we persist in brow beating one another, though, it's not going to happen.

Please, please share. Whether you vaccinate or not. Please spread this idea, in the hopes it will take root and REAL change will happen. Let's find a better way, together.

What If...

What if, instead of fighting about this issue, we all banded together and demanded more research be done and safer vaccines?

What if we spent all this time and energy on lobbying for a solution that we all can agree on, instead of posing laws that either restrict freedom or protect a choice that potentially endangers others?

What if we take this money from the law suits we're threatening each other with for spreading viruses to each other, and create an unbiased foundation for research into this issue, with scientists from both sides of the argument, to work together to find a safer alternative?

What if we tried to solve problems, instead of creating them?

What if we treated each other with compassion and understanding, instead of anger and contempt?

What if?

I'm tired of fighting. I just want my daughter, and all my children, to be safe. I'm sure that is what fuels the antivaccination agenda, as well. We all have the same goal, but different opinions of how to achieve it. 

What if we start from what we have in common to find a solution that fits us all?

Measles, Vaccinations and Politics

As this debate hits the political forum, antivaxxers and provaxxers alike are proposing bills to support their cause. There is talk of law suits against parents, just trying to protect their children, on both sides. 

This is getting ugly.

While this debate has centered, primarily, on those who choose to vaccinate and those who do not, those who have no choice (like my family), due to medical issues, are coming forward to tell their stories. 

It's not just a debate between those who choose to vaccinate and those who don't. There are people stuck in between who have no choice who are being overlooked. Those are the people, I've been told by antivaxxers, who may, "Have to die, because it's the normal course of nature." I've been told I'm selfish for wanting to save the life of my child and asking them to put theirs at risk. I've been told I'm a "sheep" and to "get that through my thick skull". 

My child has a life-threatening illness. She is immune suppressed. She was unable to receive any MMR vaccines because it's a live virus and, the virus itself - not the "toxins" in the vaccine, are deadly for her. If she is even exposed to measles, like the children in *this story, she will also have to have IVIg infusions (through IV, not shots, for several months). 

Her doctors have advised us to keep her from public and crowded places. We can't go to the zoo, the library, the playground... We have no choice in this matter. The only thing we have, is our voices, to speak out against it. 

As this issue hits the political forum, both liberal news outlets and conservative, alike, have almost unanimously come down on the side of vaccination. Politicians have also begun to voice their opinions.  Some republican politicians, while recognizing that vaccination is important for the overall health of the public, also are fearful of stripping personal liberties and taking away people's choices.

My rights end where yours begin. If your choices indirectly endanger another person, and put their lives at risk, then you are infringing upon someone else's rights.  

Regardless of the antivax argument against this, science does prove that vaccination saves lives. The evidence is there to support this, but it's being ignored, dismissed as conspiracy, or twisted.

With regard to this, as this issue evolves from debate to vote, I urge you to please take families like ours into consideration. I strongly believe this is not an issue of civil liberties, but an issue of public safety.

A Response to Address Vaccine "Shedding"

**This post has been edited from it's original version to better explain the role of RNA and vaccination, as well as to site sources.**

The more I dig into this thing, the more interesting it gets. 

There has been a link to a web page making it's rounds in the anti-vax community claiming they have proof that the MMR vaccine transmits the measles virus through "shedding". It is the belief of the antivaccination community that vaccinated individuals are transmitting the measles virus to the unvaccinated and that is what caused the recent outbreaks of measles. You can view that article, here: *Source

The reason they believe this is because there are some documented cases, though rare, of live attennuated vaccines transmitting through "shedding" the virus from the vaccine to another unvaccinated or immune compromised person. 

The inhaled/nasal spray version of the influenza vaccine is a live attenuated vaccine and there are rare, but documented cases of it being transmitted to unvaccinated individuals. *Source

The oral version of the polio virus vaccine, which is attenuated, does actually shed through fecal matter and can be transmitted. This version of the vaccine has not been used in the US since 2000, but is still used in other parts of the world where polio is a major concern. *Source

Also, sometimes, a vaccinated individual will develop milder symptoms of the chicken pox virus after receiving the varicella vaccine. While symptoms are present, due to the nature in which the virus is transmitted, it can be contagious: "Available data suggest that healthy children are unlikely to transmit vaccine virus. Transmission of vaccine virus to a household contact has rarely been documented. It appears that transmission of vaccine occurs mostly, or perhaps even exclusively, when the vaccinated person develops a rash following vaccination." So, if you get the vaccine and develop a rash, you could transmit chicken-pox to another person, however, it's highly unlikely and there are very few documented cases of this. *Source

This is how vaccines work: they introduce the body to a killed or damaged version of a virus (so that it does not produce the full effects of the virus, but, sometimes you WILL have milder symptoms of the virus you are being inoculated for, and it states this clearly on the documentation provided by your doctor) so the immune system will react and develop antibodies against the pathogen. That way, if the body comes in contact with the actual virus, it can mount a better defense against it. *Source

There is a significant lack of evidence that MMR vaccines transmit the measles virus through shedding. *Source

There have been reports of people developing mild measles symptoms and rash after vaccination, but I have found 0 confirmed reports of the virus shedding to unvaccinated or immune compromised individuals - and I've really scoured and scrubbed all kinds of medical journals and studies because, this would be a big deal for my kid! This is what I did find: "Measles, mumps, and rubella vaccine viruses are not transmitted from the vaccinated person, so MMR vaccination of a household contact does not pose a risk to a pregnant household member." *Source 

To address the specific information sited in the article I mentioned that's circulating the antivaccination circuit, I asked Christina Seaman, who works as a Technical Specialist in Infectious Disease Diagnostics, to help clarify the connection between the vaccination and RNA found in blood and urine samples. 

Christina says, "RNA is the genetic material contained in Measles (viruses either have RNA or like humans, DNA).  The study was performed to prove a method used to detect measles infections from urine samples.  Because of the lack of actively infected patients to test their method on, the study was performed on the recently vaccinated. The Measles virus RNA was detected because of the recent vaccine material being filtered and excreted by the kidneys and not because of any replication and spreading of live organism. The article states that:

'The finding that several of the urine samples were positive for measles virus RNA as early as 1 day after vaccination was surprising. In the previous study (19), none of the urine specimens were positive by immunofluorescence before day 4. Since a single cycle of viral replication would be expected to take 17 to 24 h, it is unlikely that the RT-PCR detected the progeny of virus replicating in the urinary tract. Rather, this observation suggests that shortly after vaccination the input virus or viral antigen, in the form of nucleocapsids, is deposited directly into the bladder via interstitial fluid.'

In layman’s terms:  The material detected was found too early to be a product of active viral amplification.

RT-PCR is a laboratory detection method that finds and amplifies genetic material to detectable levels. It is widely accepted as a very sensitive method of viral detection. However, it does not distinguish between live and non-viable organism. The fact that RT-PCR detected the material does not prove that vaccinated persons are spreading Measles disease.  It simply proves that the vaccinated were vaccinated." 

You can find more information on the statistics of vaccination and how they correlate to the decline or increase of measles and other diseases, here and here.  

Both of Kai's siblings are fully vaccinated and she is around other vaccinated individuals (including myself and my husband, who were required to get MMR boosters) and she has never had a problem with virus shedding. Because she is intentionally immune suppressed to keep her from rejecting an organ transplant, she cannot have the attenuated vaccines. Her immune system is too weak to defend itself from even a damaged virus. She was never able to be vaccinated for MMR because she received her transplant at 4 months old. So, if she comes into contact with this outbreak, she will almost certainly catch it and she has no defense against it. She has a 30% chance of mortality if she contracts the measles virus. *Source

*If you are an immune suppressed or immune compromised person, you should check with your provider before any exposure to anyone who has recently been vaccinated with live attenuated viruses.* 

YES, there ARE risks to vaccination. It's a very rare risk, but no one wants their child to be the one that it happens to. I understand it's a very scary reality. However, an even scarier reality is when diseases like measles, polio, small pox and diptheria make a comeback.

Antivaxxers: I HAVE done my research. I am NOT uninformed. I read your articles and listen to your "experts". I feed my kids all organic, non-gmo foods. I practice baby-wearing and child-led weaning/breastfeeding, as well as cosleeping. 

You are ONLY trying to do what is best for your child. I understand that and I also understand your fear.

You are being lied to.

Even one of the leading advocates for the anti-vax movement, Dr. Jack Wolfson, has freely admitted, "People will die" if we stop vaccinating kids. He asserts that it's the normal course of nature. Well, so is starvation. That's why we grow food.


I don't believe our society was founded on eugenic philosophy, casting aside the sick and the weak and allowing nature to take it's course. Only the strongest survive. Is that REALLY the world you want to live in?

Think about it. And feel free to share this post and comment, below.

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Dear Anti-Vaxxers, I Understand Your Fear

My last post was an angry one. I would like to say that I'm sorry, but I'm not. I've been berated and called "selfish" and accused of being paid by pharmaceutical companies to speak about vaccination by many an angry anti-vaxxer because I've explained my child's life-threatening health issue and her reliance on the majority of the population being vaccinated.

However, I DO understand your fear, Anti-Vaxxers. I am empathetic to your anxiety.

I understand that there are some kids who have had some very serious, not to mention scary, reactions to vaccines. While these instances are very rare, they DO happen, and nobody wants their kid to be the one it happens to. This is the reality we are living with, today, and these are the very real risks and fears we are being exposed to. Regardless of any links to autism, speculations about conspiracies between the government and "Big Pharma" increasing their bottom line, skewed statistics or not, there ARE risks and we all know someone out there who can verify it, first hand. It IS scary.

What you are scared of - your child developing a potentially debilitating or life-threatening condition, is what I live with on a daily basis. My child already has a debilitating and life-threatening condition, and it wasn't caused by a vaccine (as some Anti-vaxxers have accused). Doctors aren't really sure what caused it, but some studies have linked it to prenatal exposure to a virus. 

Many of the adverse reactions to vaccines are speculative. Meaning, there is no real evidence, or it's difficult to prove, that the vaccine actually caused it. It just so happened that the symptoms or reaction happened within a certain time frame of the child receiving the vaccine, so that is the most likely cause. It's no more a speculative assertion than my speculation that my child caught a vaccine preventable illness from an unvaccinated child and ended up in the hospital, requiring 2 rounds of low-grade chemotherapy drugs and a subsequent increased risk of leukemia, because I know she was in contact with an unvaccinated child who had symptoms of that specific illness within a reasonable time-frame, so as to speculate that was, indeed, the source. Both are reasonable assumptions. 

Right now, the primary concern is measles. The antivaccination community has made several assertions in this regard: That measles was a common childhood illness and was not as bad as all the hype is playing it up to be. That it's actually a cyclical virus and was not eradicated by vaccination rates, but by a natural immunity due to exposure, built up over time, across the population and that it resurfaces once in a while until we build up a resistance to it, again. That the cause of the recent measles outbreaks is actually due to the virus "shedding" from vaccinated people to unvaccinated people. That there is no such thing as herd immunity and, if you just breast feed your children, feed them organic, non-gmo foods, expose them to illness and bacteria naturally so that they can build their immune systems that way, they can actually fend off many of these viruses on their own. 

Unfortunately, what we are not exposed to, in this time of modern medicine and technology, is the devastating effects of the diseases these vaccines - not natural immunity and organic food - more often than not, prevent. 

In 2000, measles was declared "eradicated" from the US. Understand that, when scientists say a disease is eradicated, it doesn't mean it's completely destroyed, as the classic definition would suggest. It simply means that there are few enough instances of it and it's no longer spreading so, we can say it's gone. At this time, MMR vaccination rates were at an all time high *Source: CDC Pinkbook

The measles virus was isolated and a vaccine was developed in the late 1950's and early-mid 1960's. Killed virus vaccines proved a failure in inoculating the population effectively. The live virus vaccine, subsequent MMR combination vaccine, were developed in the 1960's/early 1970's. It was around this time that incidence of measles virus and subsequent complications, such as encephalitis, brain damage, hearing loss, and death, began to drop drastically. *Source: History of Vaccines, Timeline

"Over the period 1989-1991, measles outbreaks sickened a reported 55,622 Americans, killing 123. Of all of the cities that suffered from the outbreaks, Philadelphia was hit hardest: 1,500 children fell ill and 9, most of whom had not been vaccinated, died.
Many outbreaks were centered in areas where immunization levels were low. In fact, the CDC reported, "Surveys in areas experiencing outbreaks among preschool-aged children indicated that as few as 50% of children had been vaccinated against measles by their second birthday, and that black and Hispanic children were less likely to be age-appropriately vaccinated than were white children" (CDC, Measles, Pink Book).
Of all fatalities, 90% occurred in individuals who had never been vaccinated."
*Source: History of Vaccines, Timeline

"From 1956 to 1960, an average of 542,000 cases were reported annually.By the late 1950s, even before the introduction of measles vaccine, measles-related deaths and case fatality rates in the United States had decreased markedly, presumably as a result of improvement in health care and nutrition. From 1956 to 1960, an average of 450 measles-related deaths were reported each year (∼1 death/ 1000 reported cases), compared with an average of 5300 measles-related deaths during 1912–1916 (26 deaths/ 1000 reported cases) [2]. Nevertheless, in the late 1950s, serious complications due to measles remained frequent and costly. As a result of measles virus infections, an average of 150,000 patients had respiratory complications and 4000 patients had encephalitis each year; the latter was associated with a high risk of neurological sequelae and death. These complications and others resulted in an estimated 48,000 persons with measles being hospitalized every year [3]." *Source: Oxford Journal, Journal of Infectious Diseases

The above statistics are the facts that we are no longer familiar with, concerning the measles virus and MMR vaccination. 

Yes, there ARE risks. Scary risks. But, the risk of NOT vaccinating and allowing measles to gain a foothold, again, are much scarier. Not just for my child, but for yours. 

The assertion by so-called "experts" that the measles virus is "no big deal" is both irresponsible and dangerous. Yes, MUCH of what they say concerning health and diet makes sense - I agree with you. I am an avid subscriber to extended and child-led breastfeeding. I birthed two of my children in my home with the assistance of a certified nurse mid-wife. We co-sleep. I coose to discipline using the power of choice and natural consequences. I feed my children organic, non-gmo foods, lots of raw fruits and veggies, sprouts and cod-liver oil. I'm familiar with Dr. Mercola, Dr. Wolfson, Dr. Sears and Dr. Weston Price. 

To quote Dr. Wolfson: "Viruses — not vaccines — are a part of the natural world. Unfortunately, they mean that some people get sick and some people die. But the reality is that we can’t inject our children with chemicals." *Source: Washington Post

I STILL believe, whole-heatedly, that vaccination saves more lives than it risks. It most certainly protects my daughter if enough people are vaccinated, because she can't fight off these illnesses and she cannot be vaccinated for many of the more dangerous diseases (like MMR) that pose serious risks to her health, because of her weakened immune system. If I felt the risks of vaccination weren't worth it, or that the risk of the viruses from the vaccines "shedding" to my immune suppressed child were greater than the actual risks of the diseases, I wouldn't vaccinate my other children. But, I do.With regard to the virus "shedding" to my immune suppressed child, we have never had a problem with this. Even if we did, the risks of NOT vaccinating my other children and having them bring home measles to her is far greater than the risk of the vaccine strain of the attenuated virus "shedding" to her. *Source: NCBI

As much as I don't want to see her sick, I don't want to see your children succumb to the effects of these illnesses, either. They ARE a big deal. People knew there were risks to vaccination when these diseases were rampant. It was worth it to them to take those risks because the risks posed by the diseases themselves were far greater. Today, although there are still risks to vaccination, they are far less than they were several decades ago.

No, Anti-vaxxers, I'm not being paid to say this. I'm not being selfish. Yes, I AM angry... because I'm terrified (which isn't very "buddhisty" of me, I know - being a parent is kind of the definition of attachment, though). Like you, I'm terrified of losing my child. While I do feed her organic, non-gmo foods and let her play in the mud and climb tress instead of playing video games, while she received my pumped breast milk through a tube in her nose that went to her stomach until she was 9 months old because she was unable to eat, while I've sheltered her with all the natural-momma love and instincts that I can, she cannot build a natural immunity to illness. She has no defense against these viruses. The difference, for me, is that the realities of my child dying from the risks of an illness are unequivocally more likely than yours having any lasting effects from an adverse reaction to a vaccine. And, as a mother, my heart is breaking. Because there is nothing I can do about it. Unlike you, I don't have a "choice".   

It's worth noting, however, that any time I post something (like this) with reliable sources and articles that makes real sense, on an anti-vax website or page, it nearly immediately gets deleted. So, unfortunately, not many of you anti-vaxxers will read this. If you ARE, I would love to hear from you in the comments section or via email (you can find a link to my email in the right-hand column).

**Please SHARE and comment below, if you feel so inclined.**

Source Links:
www.historyofvaccines.org/content/timelines/measles
http://jid.oxfordjournals.org/content/189/Supplement_1/S1.long
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18662737
http://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/vpd-vac/measles/default.htm#vacc 
http://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/pubs/pinkbook/meas.html