The other day, Ryan and I took the kids to the Cincinnati Museum of Natural History and Science. Kai loves dinosaurs so, we thought she would like looking at all the dinosaur bones. They were quite a bit larger than she imagined and she was a little intimidated by them... so much so that we had to run past a few with our eyes closed just to get to the other side of the exhibit.
That didn't, however, stop her from smiling in pictures or from being her usual feisty self... Kai "Sassy Pants" Hollingsworth.
On our way out, Ryan said something that Kai perceived to be a bad-word. It wasn't actually a bad word but, she figured she'd take the opportunity to reprimand her father for it. The correction went something like this: "Daddy! We don't say that; that's a Mommy word!"
*headesk*
Since when do bad words get dubbed "Mommy-words"? Sure, I slip up now and then but, is it that often? I mean, I did work with a lot of Navy men before i had children and, thus, learned how to cuss like a sailor but I've diligently been trying to correct that over the last three years. In fact, Ryan constantly makes fun of my exclamations of, "Good Heavens!" and "Jeeze-Louise!"
Which makes me wonder... In Kai's proclamation of what she considers to be "Mommy words", is she picking up connotation rather than the actual word itself? In that case, isn't the connotation of the word just as important as the word itself? If so, then what the hel... I mean hec... uh... what do I say, then?
Nothing. I don't use "Angry Words" is the correct answer. The answer that comes thundering down like the F-bomb on my head.
As a Buddhist, we're supposed to cultivate something called "The Eightfold Path". That is: Right View, Right Intention, Right Speech, Right Action, Right Livelihood, Right Effort, Right Mindfulness, Right Concentration.
Right Speech. "Right speech is the first principle of ethical conduct in the eightfold path. Ethical conduct is viewed as a guideline to moral discipline, which supports the other principles of the path. This aspect is not self-sufficient, however, essential, because mental purification can only be achieved through the cultivation of ethical conduct. The importance of speech in the context of Buddhist ethics is obvious: words can break or save lives, make enemies or friends, start war or create peace. Buddha explained right speech as follows: 1. to abstain from false speech, especially not to tell deliberate lies and not to speak deceitfully, 2. to abstain from slanderous speech and not to use words maliciously against others, 3. to abstain from harsh words that offend or hurt others, and 4. to abstain from idle chatter that lacks purpose or depth. Positively phrased, this means to tell the truth, to speak friendly, warm, and gently and to talk only when necessary." (http://www.thebigview.com/buddhism/eightfoldpath.html)
It's true. How many times, in my lack of concentration and mindfulness (more Buddhist words) do I lose my patience and yell, or say something in anger to my children? Once, when I was reprimanding Kai for peeing her pants she closed her eyes and whispered, "I'm turning off..." Okay, that's kind of funny but sad because it says a lot about how she felt. And it didn't stop her from peeing in her pants again.
The "Tiger Mother" might have disapproved of a gentle approach to discipline (if you don't know who she is, you live under a rock; google it). But, as most of her critiques failed to acknowledge, she herself admitted to making mistakes after her 13 year old flipped out, breaking glasses and screaming at her mother in a restaurant.
Don't get me wrong, losing one's patience now and then is a lesson in reality and lets children know there are emotional limits and boundaries... now and then. So, let me take a deep breath before I speak and think about, not only the words coming out of my mouth but, their connotation and the impact those angry words... those "Mommy Words" have on my kids.
That didn't, however, stop her from smiling in pictures or from being her usual feisty self... Kai "Sassy Pants" Hollingsworth.
On our way out, Ryan said something that Kai perceived to be a bad-word. It wasn't actually a bad word but, she figured she'd take the opportunity to reprimand her father for it. The correction went something like this: "Daddy! We don't say that; that's a Mommy word!"
*headesk*
Since when do bad words get dubbed "Mommy-words"? Sure, I slip up now and then but, is it that often? I mean, I did work with a lot of Navy men before i had children and, thus, learned how to cuss like a sailor but I've diligently been trying to correct that over the last three years. In fact, Ryan constantly makes fun of my exclamations of, "Good Heavens!" and "Jeeze-Louise!"
Which makes me wonder... In Kai's proclamation of what she considers to be "Mommy words", is she picking up connotation rather than the actual word itself? In that case, isn't the connotation of the word just as important as the word itself? If so, then what the hel... I mean hec... uh... what do I say, then?
Nothing. I don't use "Angry Words" is the correct answer. The answer that comes thundering down like the F-bomb on my head.
As a Buddhist, we're supposed to cultivate something called "The Eightfold Path". That is: Right View, Right Intention, Right Speech, Right Action, Right Livelihood, Right Effort, Right Mindfulness, Right Concentration.
Right Speech. "Right speech is the first principle of ethical conduct in the eightfold path. Ethical conduct is viewed as a guideline to moral discipline, which supports the other principles of the path. This aspect is not self-sufficient, however, essential, because mental purification can only be achieved through the cultivation of ethical conduct. The importance of speech in the context of Buddhist ethics is obvious: words can break or save lives, make enemies or friends, start war or create peace. Buddha explained right speech as follows: 1. to abstain from false speech, especially not to tell deliberate lies and not to speak deceitfully, 2. to abstain from slanderous speech and not to use words maliciously against others, 3. to abstain from harsh words that offend or hurt others, and 4. to abstain from idle chatter that lacks purpose or depth. Positively phrased, this means to tell the truth, to speak friendly, warm, and gently and to talk only when necessary." (http://www.thebigview.com/buddhism/eightfoldpath.html)
It's true. How many times, in my lack of concentration and mindfulness (more Buddhist words) do I lose my patience and yell, or say something in anger to my children? Once, when I was reprimanding Kai for peeing her pants she closed her eyes and whispered, "I'm turning off..." Okay, that's kind of funny but sad because it says a lot about how she felt. And it didn't stop her from peeing in her pants again.
The "Tiger Mother" might have disapproved of a gentle approach to discipline (if you don't know who she is, you live under a rock; google it). But, as most of her critiques failed to acknowledge, she herself admitted to making mistakes after her 13 year old flipped out, breaking glasses and screaming at her mother in a restaurant.
Don't get me wrong, losing one's patience now and then is a lesson in reality and lets children know there are emotional limits and boundaries... now and then. So, let me take a deep breath before I speak and think about, not only the words coming out of my mouth but, their connotation and the impact those angry words... those "Mommy Words" have on my kids.
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