First off, I want to dispel some common misgivings about Buddhism. In most sects of Buddhism (there are several different branches) Buddha is not worshiped as a god. He was a philosopher and teacher. Buddhism can be practiced as a religion but, it's really more of a philosophy and way of life. It focuses, mainly, on being compassionate toward one's self and all sentient beings and trying to live one's life in such a way as to lessen the suffering of others or, at the very least, not to cause any suffering. Meditation and mantra help in practicing mindfulness or being present... living in the moment. Buddhism is all about being in the moment, accepting what is, appreciating what is and not trying to hold onto it - understanding that it is all merely perception and nothing is permanent, and trying to spread the love.
When we were in the hospital with Kai, after we first found out she was sick, a friend gave me a book, "Being Peace" by Thich Nhat Hahn. Thay, as he is known to his students, is a Vietnamese Buddhist Monk and Author who attempts to spread the Buddhist philosophy to others, even noting how you can practice the philosophy while adhering to other religions, such as Christianity, and how they can actually compliment one another.
There are many cliches that people use to try and comfort or relate to you in emotionally difficult situations, such as having a terminally ill child. A lot of these cliches go something like, "God only gives you what you can handle." Although these sentiments are well-meaning and appreciated in that sense, they often, unintentionally, diminish the person's pain or grief. I remember thinking that I couldn't fathom that God had some kind of quota on babies that needed liver transplants to fill and since Cindy Smith of Portland couldn't handle it, he gave that burden to me. That just didn't make a whole lot of sense to me and it certainly didn't make me feel any better about the whole situation. If anything, it made me feel like I had even less control over it. I was helpless to help my dying daughter.
Let's stand back and take another look at that statement, shall we? "If anything, it made me feel like I had even less control over it." Control. There it is.
What I read in Thich Nhat Han's book was that we really have no control over anything and that's okay, because we can control our own responses.
What Buddhism offered me was a way to take responsibility for myself... my own thoughts, emotions, perspective on the situation and how I dealt with it. That was what I had control over. Oddly, that gave me a sense of peace. The situation may have been beyond control but, I wasn't.
Kai is doing wonderfully, now, but I still try to integrate Buddhism as a philosophy into my parenting. Using principles of the Eightfold Path: Right View, Right Intention, Right Speech, Right Action, Right Livelihood, Right Effort, Right Mindfulness and Right Concentration; I try to remember to stay mindful, be compassionate toward my children, speak to them kindly and be with them in the moment. I'm far from perfect in my practice but, I try.
I think Buddhism is an excellent philosophy to apply to parenting because it not only teaches you to act with love and compassion but, childhood is all about being in the moment. If we're not mindful, we could miss out on something. It screams (gently, it is Buddhism, after all), "Pay attention!" in a world of inattentiveness.
Meanwhile, as I type this, my kids are running a muck in my living room as I call out directions and occasional reprimands from behind my computer screen. If you'll excuse, I'm going to go immerse myself in the moment. :)
When we were in the hospital with Kai, after we first found out she was sick, a friend gave me a book, "Being Peace" by Thich Nhat Hahn. Thay, as he is known to his students, is a Vietnamese Buddhist Monk and Author who attempts to spread the Buddhist philosophy to others, even noting how you can practice the philosophy while adhering to other religions, such as Christianity, and how they can actually compliment one another.
There are many cliches that people use to try and comfort or relate to you in emotionally difficult situations, such as having a terminally ill child. A lot of these cliches go something like, "God only gives you what you can handle." Although these sentiments are well-meaning and appreciated in that sense, they often, unintentionally, diminish the person's pain or grief. I remember thinking that I couldn't fathom that God had some kind of quota on babies that needed liver transplants to fill and since Cindy Smith of Portland couldn't handle it, he gave that burden to me. That just didn't make a whole lot of sense to me and it certainly didn't make me feel any better about the whole situation. If anything, it made me feel like I had even less control over it. I was helpless to help my dying daughter.
Let's stand back and take another look at that statement, shall we? "If anything, it made me feel like I had even less control over it." Control. There it is.
What I read in Thich Nhat Han's book was that we really have no control over anything and that's okay, because we can control our own responses.
What Buddhism offered me was a way to take responsibility for myself... my own thoughts, emotions, perspective on the situation and how I dealt with it. That was what I had control over. Oddly, that gave me a sense of peace. The situation may have been beyond control but, I wasn't.
Kai is doing wonderfully, now, but I still try to integrate Buddhism as a philosophy into my parenting. Using principles of the Eightfold Path: Right View, Right Intention, Right Speech, Right Action, Right Livelihood, Right Effort, Right Mindfulness and Right Concentration; I try to remember to stay mindful, be compassionate toward my children, speak to them kindly and be with them in the moment. I'm far from perfect in my practice but, I try.
I think Buddhism is an excellent philosophy to apply to parenting because it not only teaches you to act with love and compassion but, childhood is all about being in the moment. If we're not mindful, we could miss out on something. It screams (gently, it is Buddhism, after all), "Pay attention!" in a world of inattentiveness.
Meanwhile, as I type this, my kids are running a muck in my living room as I call out directions and occasional reprimands from behind my computer screen. If you'll excuse, I'm going to go immerse myself in the moment. :)
2 comments:
I love this post! We practice Catholicism but I am so intrigued by different philosophies and ways of life. Sounds great!
Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it! "Being Peace" is a great introduction to Buddhism for the reader whose curiosity is peaked. However, "Momma Zen: Walking The Crooked Path Of Motherhood" is an EXCELLENT read regarding applying Buddhism to parenthood.
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