For the last 7 months, the kids and I have been living in Ohio with my parents, without Ryan. We moved here to be close to family, mostly so that, when Kai is hospitalized, which happens frequently (although we've managed to skip it the last two seasons here, amazingly!), we will have help with Reef. It's also nice for the kids to be able to grow up near grandparents, aunts and uncles and cousins. We'r also hoping that, once we're settled here, we can take some family vacations as we won't be using all of Ryan's personal vacation time up on hospital visits and trips "home" to see family.
He has been diligently looking for a job here while he continues to work in Maryland and has been finishing up the remodel/rennovations on the house so we can get it on the market to sell in the spring. Jobs in his field here are not abundant.
The separation, surely, has been hardest on Kai. In addition to the nightmares she has due to all the painful medical/hospital stuff she has to endure each month, she now has nightmares about not being able to get to Daddy, or about Daddy leaving. She is fully potty trained but, every time he leaves, she goes into full regression along with some behavioral back-lash. When he's here, she fights over bed time because she's worried he won't be there in the morning. Heartbreaking.
I'm having more difficulty with it than I'd like to admit. I am constantly trying to split myself between the two kids 24/7 and, at their ages, their needs are pretty demanding. I get help from mom and dad but they work and get up early and they need a break, too. I'm lonely and tired and just getting flat-out bummed. I'm trying to stay positive, but some days it's hard. Though, in the back of my head I know we've been through much worse... but we were together. We had each other to lean on and that made us stronger during those times. Now, with work and kids and distance, we're lucky to get 10 minutes on the phone.
To add insult to injury, our house in MD was broken into yesterday. They didn't take anything of any real value... just rifled through our stuff and took some things of sentimental value for reasons we cannot fathom. It's really no big deal but it feels like the straw that broke the camel's back today. I want to look up and ask, "what next?" but I'm both afraid of the answer and annoyed at my own flavor of melodrama.
So, today, I'm working on releasing my expectations. Today, I am taking a deep breath. Today I am adjusting my perspective. Today I am going to be a better mother, wife, daughter and friend and stop feeling sorry for myself. Today is a good day.
He has been diligently looking for a job here while he continues to work in Maryland and has been finishing up the remodel/rennovations on the house so we can get it on the market to sell in the spring. Jobs in his field here are not abundant.
The separation, surely, has been hardest on Kai. In addition to the nightmares she has due to all the painful medical/hospital stuff she has to endure each month, she now has nightmares about not being able to get to Daddy, or about Daddy leaving. She is fully potty trained but, every time he leaves, she goes into full regression along with some behavioral back-lash. When he's here, she fights over bed time because she's worried he won't be there in the morning. Heartbreaking.
I'm having more difficulty with it than I'd like to admit. I am constantly trying to split myself between the two kids 24/7 and, at their ages, their needs are pretty demanding. I get help from mom and dad but they work and get up early and they need a break, too. I'm lonely and tired and just getting flat-out bummed. I'm trying to stay positive, but some days it's hard. Though, in the back of my head I know we've been through much worse... but we were together. We had each other to lean on and that made us stronger during those times. Now, with work and kids and distance, we're lucky to get 10 minutes on the phone.
To add insult to injury, our house in MD was broken into yesterday. They didn't take anything of any real value... just rifled through our stuff and took some things of sentimental value for reasons we cannot fathom. It's really no big deal but it feels like the straw that broke the camel's back today. I want to look up and ask, "what next?" but I'm both afraid of the answer and annoyed at my own flavor of melodrama.
So, today, I'm working on releasing my expectations. Today, I am taking a deep breath. Today I am adjusting my perspective. Today I am going to be a better mother, wife, daughter and friend and stop feeling sorry for myself. Today is a good day.
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