Accidental Feminist

Hello,  Interwebs! As the first woman presidential candidate is nominated, I'm here, today, to talk about another hotly debated issue: Women's Rights.

I'm not talking about the right to vote. Or equality in pay. I'm talking about Rape Culture. The story I'm going to follow this up with may not strike you as rape culture, but, I assure you... it is.

I took my kids to the library, today, to drop off some books that were over due. As I walked away, a man called after me and followed me back to my car, until I stopped to see what he wanted. He said, almost verbatim, "Don't you know you're beautiful? Don't mark yourself up like that! Why do you want all that on your beautiful body? Don't do that!"

Dear Mr. Creepy Stranger at the Library,

Let's analyze this... Because I'm an attractive woman, it gives you the right to call after me and assert your unsolicited opinion that YOU don't like to see my tattoos? In front of my kids? Somehow, being attractive doesn't give me the right to do what I want with my body? Because it makes me less attractive... to you? 

First of all, my body isn't an object for your admiration, nor does my value rely on my appearance or your opinion of my appearance. Second, I'm an adult and I can make my own choices regarding MY body. Third, what kind of message does that send my kids?

Sincerely,

The PERSON at the Library That You Verbally Assaulted

If you think I'm overreacting, think about what he said, and what it implies: Because he found me attractive, he feels he has the right to an judge my appearance, and to tell me what he doesn't like about it, to stop doing what he doesn't like with MY body, because HE doesn't like it, but he likes my body, in front of my kids. He, as a man, has a right to tell a woman he finds attractive how she should look, because it pleases him. To violate my privacy, insult me, devalue me as a human being by implying that my value lies in his opinion of my appearance, and put me in an uncomfortable and vulnerable position. He was asserting his power over me. If that's not an example of rape culture, I don't know what is. 

If you want to tell a woman she is beautiful, go ahead. While you're at it, compliment her intellect. Maybe compliment the fact that I take my three kids to the library! Just because you think a woman is beautiful doesn't give you the right to pick and choose what you do or don't like about her appearance, or tell her what she should and shouldn't do with HER body. I don't go around telling guys, "Wow, you're really attractive but you should stop eating so many cheese burgers..." 

He might not even realize how offensive his comments were. This guy has NO idea how he completely devalued me IN FRONT of my kids, and how much I held my tongue for their benefit, because who knows how he would have reacted or what he would have said had I really given him a piece of my mind - because the woman who speaks out against that kind of abusive behavior isn't playing her part. She's not being submissive and demure. She's a proverbial four-letter-word that starts with a B or a C. Right? 

That's the exact line of thinking that allows a college athlete to get off the hook with "boys-will-be-boys" after he rapes a woman behind a dumpster. 

Women are not prey. We're not here solely for your enjoyment and pleasure. We're daughters, sisters, mothers... Humans. Please treat us with the respect we deserve.