Reef

In this blog there are so many posts for Kai, because that is why I began to blog. Often overlooked, but no less adored is Reef. My silly, rough n' tumble, sweet little boy.

Today I was terribly mean to him. I post this as a confession to you, oh internet. I was mean and nasty to my sweet little boy. 

Reef refuses to potty train. He is almost 4 years old and will not sit and go on the potty. He knows how, he just refuses. I've tried charts and games, rewards, positive reinforcement, sitting him on the potty every 30 minutes, just sticking him in underwear or letting him run around naked. I've tried stools and potty seats to make him more comfortable. I've tried buying special underwear. I've tried just about everything.

He has sensitive skin and develops diaper rash quickly. Yesterday, we were outside for about 3 hours. I had just changed him but had not thought to check him until I saw him walking oddly. I asked him why and he said he had "owie bucket". I took his diaper off and he must have gone right after I changed him because the rash was terrible. So bad I cried and I had to rinse him off in the shower. 

I was determined that we would start going on the potty today. No more "owie bucket"! 

I stuck him in undies and he promptly pooped his pants. I cleaned him off, sat him on the potty and put a fresh pair on him and he pooped again. 

*Sigh*

I cleaned him off, again, sat him back on the potty and put another pair of undies on him. He stayed dry and I had him sit on the potty every 30 minutes. Then, he peed. A lot. In the floor.

So I lost it. I yelled and I said mean things. I made him cry. And it felt terrible. I felt like the worst mommy, ever. Definitely not the Zen mommy I aspire to be.

Afterward, I sat down with him, hugged him, apologized and told him that it was mean of me to say those things. That he is wonderful and amazing and I just want him to go on the potty. "Okay, momma," he replied.

He has not gone on the potty since. In fact, he is now in bed napping after a shower to wash off the pink sidewalk chalk that he applied to his entire body when my head was turned, taking care of the baby. 

He will probably not go on the potty today, or tomorrow, or next week. He will only do it in his own time. 

So, despite the fact that most of his peers are wearing undies and I'm downright tired of cleaning bottoms and buying diapers, I will buy more diapers, today. I will buy them next week and the week after that and the one after that. I will buy more diapers until he decides for himself that he is ready. 

I have tried everything. Everything but patience and trust that my little guy will do what comes naturally when it is time. I'll let you know how that works out.