Forgive Thy Self

Today, I posted something about patience, or my lack thereof, on a social networking site. A dear friend of mine - a mother of a child with a chronic, debilitating illness as well as two other children - responded with her confessions of a short temper, high expectations and resulting mommy-guilt.

I'm posting this here because, what I responded with, I want to share and elaborate upon my initial statement; I think it rings true for any parent, especially those of children with serious or chronic illness.

Sometimes strength, stubbornness and a little tough love are more important than patience. These are traits we need to do what we have to do; what we have no choice in.

We have patience when it is needed most: We are patient with the nurses when they stick our babies 4... 5... 6 times to try to get an IV because we know they are trying their best. We are patient with our children when they erupt into a raging tantrum, and justifiably so, afterward. We are patient with the doctors when the surgery is rescheduled, not one, not two, but three or more times, even though our little one hasn't had anything but IV fluids for 12 or more hours and it means another day or more in the hospital.

But, when we see our 4 year old about to shove her 2 year old brother down a flight of stairs and we pick her up and speak to her with trembling, white-hot rage, or even yell at her with all the fear and anger we are feeling in that moment, and then crumple under the guilt of motherhood... We need to have patience with ourselves. When we find out that she was really trying to get down the stairs and he was shoving her, not the other way around, and we admit we made a mistake and apologize, we are showing we are human.

Mommies are not flawless. If we pretend to be, or try to be, we not only set unrealistic expectations for ourselves, we set unrealistic expectations for our children. The best thing you can teach them is that you do your best, every day... And so should they.